TUESDAYS WITH MURRAY

It has been 10 months since I last lived with Murray. I must admit… when I moved I assumed I would never have to deal with that grumpy old man again.

Not living with Murray has been so peaceful. At times I find pleasure in the fact that I have very few things to blog about. A blog about my current living situation would be painstakingly boring. ie: Today I slept till 10… nobody pounded on my door… nobody had computer issues… and a sweet old lady (my great aunt) forced me to eat a large healthy egg breakfast.

Who would read that blog? NOBODY!

The point is… I don’t miss Murray at all!!! I wish him all the best… I hope he finds happiness… and I don’t care to see him…. EVER!!!

and then last week I came up with the idea to call him…
WAIT WHAT?

and I decided I wanted to take him to Thanksgiving lunch.
WAIT WHAT?

and then I spent the next week trying to talk myself out of it!
Take Murray to lunch? Spend voluntary time with Murray?!
WAIT WHAT?

Thanksgiving came… and I still felt like I needed to take him out for lunch.
(SHOOT!)

I called him… he didn’t answer… so I left a message.
S: Hey Murray, It’s Stefan… would you like to join me for Thanksgiving lunch?
(no answer… that means I’m off the hook?!)

The next morning Murray called me back… 4 times… (at 8am)
(I was sleeping so I didn’t answer.)
M: Stefaoooon, it’s Murray… call me back as soon as possible.

At 10, when I woke up… I called him back.
We talked for a few minutes…
We agreed I would pick him up at 12… then I started to hang up:
M: Stefaooon… actually I’m too busy… I can’t do 12!!!
(Awesome… that means I’m off the hook?!)

S: No problem… you wanna meet at 1?!
(WAIT WHAT?)
M: That will do.
(SHOOT!)

At 1 o’clock I picked up Murray.
He was in the car 5 seconds:
M: You look different!
M: What’s with the beard.
M: Can I call you Steve?
M: Do you have a real job?
M: Don’t you want a real job?
M: You have a girlfriend?
M: Can’t you find a girl?
M: Ugh… You’re too picky!

S: AWESOME… We’re there!!!

Moments later my friend Brandileigha joined us for lunch at Cafe Gratitude.
We sat and ate…
Murray was very intrigued by Brandileigha…
He was very polite and started asking lots of questions:
M: What do you do?
M: Esthetician
M: Is that even a word?

The talking was pleasant…
Then it started:

M: You look unusual.
B: What?
M: You look unusual.
B: Oh?
M: Yeah… your face is white and your eyes are dark.
B: Yes.
(some time past…)
M: Stefaooon don’t you think she looks unusual?
S: No I think she looks glamourous.
(perhaps not knowing what to say… Brandileigha left to use the restroom!!)

When she had left… Murray looked at me then said:
M: So you like her?
S: She’s a friend.
M: Yeah but you like her?
S: No she’s not my type.
M: Ugh… You’re too picky!
S: Probably.
M: So you’ll hook up with her?
S: No
M: Why? Is she celibate?
(I let that conversation die.)

We at our food…
We were done and leaving when “The Crazy Lady” from last year suddenly appeared!
(http://www.tuesdayswithmurray.com/?s=Thanksgiving)
I was thrilled to see her!
Murray was not…
Likely because she wanted to tell me about Murray’s dating life!
It was awesome!
She left… Then Murray said:
M: Why are you talking to her? She’s crazy!

We left… I had enough excitement… and was ready to take Murray home!!!
However… before I could take him home… I had to pick up my friend Oscar.
(he was coming over for Thanksgiving lunch.)

He wasn’t in the car for more than 5 seconds before Murray started:
M: Te ves diferente!
M: ¿Qué pasa con la barba.
M: ¿Puedo llamar a Steve?
M: ¿Tiene usted un trabajo de verdad?
M: ¿No quieres un trabajo de verdad?
M: ¿Tienes novia?
M: ¿No puedes encontrar a una chica?
M: ¡Ay … Eres demasiado exigente!

JOKING! I don’t know what he said!
CUS IT WAS ALL IN SPANISH!

WAIT WHAT?
Murray speaks spanish?

and then we were back at Murray’s… and the lunch was over!
FINALLY?

and I never have to see him again…
RIGHT?

Murray’s Apartment

My friend Jens came to visit from Denmark.
I asked him what he wanted to do, his response:

J: Can we go see Murray’s apartment?
S: What?
J: I still don’t believe he exists!
S: Why would I make up these stories?
J: I don’t know why you made up the stories!
S: Fine…

We went and saw Murray’s apartment>
I think he sorta believes Murray exists.

Actually I was shocked not to see Murray spying on me from his bedroom window!

Stefan,

I am moving at the end of the month.
I would move this moment if I could.
You deserve an award for staying as long as you did.
I had started a few blog posts but clearly did not follow through.
Maybe I would of lasted longer, but I fear what would have become if me.

He pushes every last button in me.
He is the most potent narcissist I have ever met.

I hope you are well.

Elliot

The other day Murray called me.
I panicked and didn’t answer my phone.
After a few second my phone beeped.
(Murray had left a message.)

M: Stefaooon please call me, it’s very urgent.

Not fully understanding what could possibly be so urgent, I decided to be a good boy scout and call him back. However… when I called his phone the line rang out with error: BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH

Confused I attempted the call again: BAH BAH BAH

What was happening?
Had his phone been disconnected?
Could that possibly be the urgent issue?

I waited 30 minutes and called him again: BAH BAH BAH BAH BAH

Now I’m starting to worry.

I waited 1 hour and called… this time it rang: ring, ring, ring
M: hello?
S: Murray it’s Stefan
M: Stefan I’m glad you called
S: You called me? Something Urgent? Are you ok?
M: I’m glad you called, I have a problem
(I started to worry)
S: Oh no… what happened?
M: I ran out of Apple Care.
S: You what?
M: Do you know anybody who can get me Apple Care?
S: That’s what’s so urgent?
M: It’s very important
S: I’m sorry I don’t
(I’m so stupid for worrying… then calling 50 times!)
M: Maybe you can come by?
(what?)
S: Oh… uh… Maybe… I’m really busy this week.
(as I sit on a couch at an art show.)
M: Can you come now?
(still sitting on the couch)
S: No… But I’ll call you this week.
M: It’s very urgent

(quickly I changed the topic.)
S: How is your new roommate?
M: It’s too early to tell.
S: It’s been 4 months
M: It’s too early to tell.
S: Ok.
M: Ok. I’ll see you this week.
(and he hangs up)

Dear Stefan,
So I’m taking this art career class. A classmate was sharing a story with the whole class about how she got a write up in the newspaper:

She was leaving rainbow grocery…
And though she doesn’t normally do this…
there was an older gentleman leaving raibow with his thumb out like he needed a ride.
She asked him where & he said.
On the ride home they got to talking.
She shared how she had a show up at muddy waters coffee shop.
He told how he was an art critic and that he goes to that coffee shop, and he’ll check it out.
So he goes and leaves his card for the shop to give to my classmate because he wants to write about about her artwork. So she ends up getting a write up in the local paper through this, and the old guy who she took home is named Murray.

As she is telling this story to our class, & everybody applauding her, I could’t help but think, this has got to be THE Murray! As much as I wanted to I did not spill the beans and say “oh yeah, well my friend Stefan was roomates with this guy and wrote a blog about how crazy he is!!!”

Anyway, just thought I’d share that with you!!

Matthew

——————————————–

Dear Matthew,
That is an awesome story.
What’s funny about this story is… Murray told me the exact same story.

I was sitting in my room packing. When from the end of the hallway I heard yelling.
M: Stefaoooon
(I wandered down the hallway)
S:  Yes Murray
M: What do you think of this art?
(I looked)
S: It’s cool.
M: Just cool?
S: Yeah… I like it. Very modern.
M: You think so? Why?
S: I just like it
M: This girl gave me a ride home from Rainbow Grocery. I wasn’t sure about her. She talked a lot. She’s and artist. She was having a show so I went. I don’t think her stuff is that bad. I’m going to write about it.
S: Cool
M: OK, You can go now.